HELPFUL HINTS FOR BEING A SURVIVOR
- Grief is healed best when time is coupled with work.
- A separate language is part of what survivors learn to heal and survive this horrible tragedy.
- Begin to feel comfortable with this “uncomfortability” you are dealing with.
- We create a space for this grief to fit into our life.
- Don’t be defined by their loss—be defined by their legacy on how they lived.
- Use terms like died of—died by or died from suicide instead of that ugly word committed.
- We all lose the same person yet we all grieve them differently. Grief is like fingerprints.
- We never get over it we learn to live with it.
- Interview counselors and ask them if they have suicide grief training before signing on with
- them.
- After exhausting the why question move to asking how and what must I do to heal this.
- We move forward not just move on.
- Closure? Most survivors think not. Always anniversaries, birthdays and special days to remember.
- It is difficult to make sense of a very senseless act.
- It is perfectly fine to have anger at the deceased.
- You still are a Mom Dad Sister Brother etc.
- If you have 3 children and lost one—you still have 3 children. Always.
- All the love in the world cannot cure a brain chemical imbalance.
- It is okay to not feel okay. Get feelings up & out of you. Helps to navigate grief more effectively.
- Listen to understand not just to reply.
- We died the same day as our loved one did and now we create a new normal in our life.
- OHR-have open honest and real discussions about your grief.
- Unintentional ignorance is when others say and do off the wall things and hits your hot button.
- Create a balance of both grief and gratitude to heal appropriately.
- Remember you did not cause this—you could not control it and surely could not cure it.
- Grief is simply love with no place to go.
- Having regrets is much healthier than beating yourself up with guilt.
- Refrain from using C.O.W.S.-COULDA OUGHTA WOULDA SHOULDA. They are very negative.
- Breathe—in through the nose and out through the mouth. It gives you control.
- Grief is never to be compared to another’s loss.
- People grieve in their own time frame never anyone else’s.
- Grievers are the walking wounded that is why we refer to it as robotizing.
- Crying is a natural remedy & stress reliever. Toxins leave the tear ducts not water helping to heal.
- Grievers need to repeat their story over and over.
- Write a letter to your loved one. Helps to get in touch with deeper feelings.
- There are good days with bad moments & bad days with good moments.
- Become self-ISH. Take good care of self–love self–protect self. ISH is the process of doing so.
- Respond to others never react. Become more positive than negative.
- To speak with others begin with “I,” “MY,” “We,” and “Our. “Not you, you are, and your. Creates conflict.
- Acceptance vs acknowledge. Yes, this has happened you know that. You emotionally accept it on
- your time frame not because others tell you to.
- This death is mind numbing, nerve racking & body slamming.
- The paradox of trauma—has both the power to destroy & power to transform and resurrect.
