After a traumatic loss like losing a loved one to suicide, we can feel lost, detached from our former selves, lacking motivation and the essential life force that powered us before the loss.
The psychotherapist Phil Stutz shares some very basic tools on how to regain that life force in a recent documentary on Netflix called Stutz. Stutz says it’s fundamental that everyone knows what makes people feel more alive.
In Stutz’s Life Force model, there are three levels to what makes you, you:
The bottom — the most primal level — is your relationship with your physical body – you can support and reconnect with your physical body through any type of movement (walking, running, dancing, etc). You can also connect through a healthy diet and by getting adequate sleep.
The second level is your relationship with other people
He suggests our connection to others acts as handles that pull us back into life. You can call someone or invite someone to lunch. Our friend Eda reminds us of the power of this in moving her forward through her grief journey.
The third level at the top of the pyramid is your relationship with yourself.
One way to get in touch with yourself is to write. Bob and many of our members often talk about the power of this in our group meetings. You don’t have to think about it, just write.
Stutz says that if you’re lost, depressed, or feeling stuck, it’s important to work on your Life Force first — take care of your body, take care of your people, take care of yourself. Once you do, figuring out how to move forward becomes much, much easier.