From Julia Samuel MBE for Good Grief
It will always be painful, you will always miss and love the person you lost. But the intensity of the pain and the overwhelming preoccupation changes. And that isn’t really your choice. It’s a natural organic process that you’re not in charge of. The only thing you can do is find ways of supporting yourself to navigate that process as it comes through your system. It’s important to allow that to happen.
One of the complexities of grieving is that pain connects you to the person who has died. You can feel like you’re abandoning them if you stop feeling the pain. When people find themselves laughing or feeling pleasure they feel guilty and like they have left the person who has died.
You can allow both. You can allow yourself to really feel the pain and feel that person very close. Equally, you can give yourself permission — if it happens and you can’t force it — to have a break from it, to do something that’s comforting, to seek comfort from your life. Comfort from doing things that work for you. For some people it could be cooking, for others walking or being with a friend. But make those active choices that are positive to help support you. CLICK TO WATCH